Community Discussion
Topic: My cousin, her son and her new "job"

#	Author	Message
1	DAR Tue 5/20/2008 12:04p	My cousin is 22 years old. She's never really had a steady job and by steady I mean if she worked at a place more than a month it was a miracle. And when she was let go it was never her fault, like deciding not show up to work, yeah how dare they make her work on a Friday night when she has parties to go to. Well now she has a job working at one of the gentleman's club's in the area. Fine, she's an adult she can do what she pleases. However she has a little boy of 2 1/2. Great kid, everyone loves him and because of that we're worried about him and the kind of life he's going to have. She constantly hangs around people who are no good. She used to hang out with gang members and may still do so. Another thing is that she doesn't know who the father is, so there's never any plan of him in the picture. She was evicted from her apartment about a month ago and is living in a house with another couple, their three kids and then my cousin and her son. His grandma her mother(my aunt) watched him this weekend and she took him back to my cousin's. My aunt felt guilty taking him back because their living in filth, there were clothes and dishes all over. This little boy has to sleep on the floor because he doesn't have a bed. When her mother, father or sister have offered to take them in she accuses them of trying to steal her son away from her. But wouldn't that be best that he's not in those conditions. I myself would love to call child protective services on her but I'm worried that he wouldn't be with our family that there would be some loophole and he's in foster care. It's just frustrating and sad.
2	SoThisIsLove Tue 5/20/2008 12:10p	Gee, DAR, this is terrible. I am not qualified to give you advice at all, but I know you can trust your heart at all times...do what you have to on this. I don't know what state/city you live in. If you were here in my town, I'd advise you to call (anonymously, if you have to) the local authorities (police, CPS, etc) to get the policies/procedures you'll need to proceed in order to protect the child, keep him in the family, etc. Our police officers would be all over this one, helping out that is, and they'd respect your wishes as well. There must be someone that can help you tiptoe through this minefield that your cousin has started. The child, as you already know, has to come first, even before your cousin's wishes. Big ol' Baloo? Bueler? Anyone out there with real-world experience?
3	disney pete Wed 5/21/2008 3:09a	sad story Dar hope theres a better ending
4	davewasbaloo Wed 5/21/2008 3:26a	DAR, this is a difficuly one as I am not sure of the US processes. However, is the child really at risk, or are times simply hard. If a child were to go into a foster home, would their life improve compared to know. Think long and hard about these, and if the asnwer is a yes, then call social services and have an exploratory conversation. Or are you or other family members in the position to help them out? I nearly went into care as a kid due to us losing their house and living in an RV for a while. We fought it and proved to government that although my physical environment was not great, the family one was. Also, kids are not put in care glibly. A social worker will assess the risk first. So it may be worth while. But only you and the others know the situation currently.
5	DAR Wed 5/21/2008 4:27a	<<Or are you or other family members in the position to help them out?>> I would say the best place for him to be and her would be to live with her sister out in the suburbs.
6	LuLu Wed 5/21/2008 8:54a	I'm sorry to hear about this. My heart goes out to the little boy. However - I'd think long and hard before you call social services. From what you've posted (and you may be glossing over a lot) i don't see why they'd take the kid. And *then* you may have a situation where your cousin cuts off all contact with the family, preventing you from having any good influence at all. Maybe you could talk to someone anonymously about the situation and see if you have a case. I'd hate to see things get worse when you're trying to help.
7	mele Wed 5/21/2008 10:09a	I don't have any advice but sending good thoughts to your family and that sweet little boy. :-(
8	mele Wed 5/21/2008 10:19a	I changed my mind, sort of. If you're telling us everything about the story and he's really just around some yucky people but in no specific danger then I think the best you can really do is make sure to spend as much time with him, showing him how special he is and showing him another way to live. I know he's only 2 1/2 but you can still be a good example. When I was very young my mom had a couple of seedy boyfriends (well, at least I thought they were seedy cos I knew they were annoyed by me and only wanted *one* thing from my mom, if you know what I mean). She also kept going back to my stepdad who beat the crap out of her and even me (punching me unconscious when I was 2 1/2 years old). I felt very, very helpless and trapped. I guess my point is that even at a young age, he may be getting messages about how worthless he is or how worthless life in general is. He isn't seeing anybody rise above and it could seep into his own self-esteem. Once it really sets in it's hard to fight. It can be done but it's a lot harder. The best way to combat that is to show him that even though his mom lives her life in filth, he doesn't have to let that become a part of who he is. Just let him know that he is a wonderful boy and that you all love him. There isn't a ton of things you can say to a two year old that they will understand so it's best to focus on making sure he knows that he is incredibly special and loved. Just my 2 ¢. Good luck, DAR.
9	SoThisIsLove Wed 5/21/2008 10:24a	{{{{{mele}}}}}
10	LuLu Wed 5/21/2008 11:58a	Ditto the hugs to mele. Good advice! I agree that family members need to take him out, have him sleep over, go on vacations etc, just as much as the mom will allow. Be cautious about the CPS issue. As "bad" as his mom is, he still loves her and will likely be torn if your family tries to have him taken away. I'd move slowly and things may work out in a surprising and good way. Maybe the mom will like her new-found free time and move towards a family member adopting. But mostly, you're showing the boy a better example of life.

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