Play Pen
Topic: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

#	Author	Message
1	friendofdd Fri 5/23/2008 10:14p	BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road... We were under sniper fire and had to run zigzag or we could have been killed. Additionally, this experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me... DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. SOCRATES: Is what you saw a chicken? - Will you not fancy that the shadows which you formerly saw are truer than the objects which now cross the road? ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra... cra...#@&&% Oops! Reboot... ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
2	friendofdd Fri 5/23/2008 10:14p	BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE! JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road... We were under sniper fire and had to run zigzag or we could have been killed. Additionally, this experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me... DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road... ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. SOCRATES: Is what you saw a chicken? - Will you not fancy that the shadows which you formerly saw are truer than the objects which now cross the road? ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra... cra...#@&&% Oops! Reboot... ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken? AL GORE: I invented the chicken! COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one? DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun? AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
3	WDWdreamin Fri 5/23/2008 11:51p	funny! just read the first time through though. :-P
4	Mrs ElderP Sat 5/24/2008 5:48a	I didn't even groan once! (I still liked it though *grin*)
5	Tinkeroon Sat 5/24/2008 10:03p	I loved it! Somehow, they all fit too! Certainly tickled my funny bone, er..is that chicken bone? Bawk!
6	alexbook Wed 5/28/2008 2:25p	PENN (of Penn & Teller): The chicken didn't really cross the road. We just made it look like it did. BUDDHA: There is no chicken. There is no road. What does it mean to cross? QUENTIN TARANTINO: It's a **** chicken by a **** **** road! It had to **** **** **** cross!! It's a **** **** **** **** dramatic **** imperative!!! WALT DISNEY: Crossing the road moved the chicken's story along in the direction we wanted it to go. ROY DISNEY: The bankers wanted it to cross.
7	alexbook Wed 5/28/2008 2:27p	CHICO MARX: I didn't cross no road. MEL BROOKS: It wouldn't have been funny if the chicken just sat there not crossing. STEPHEN KING: How do you know it was a chicken?
8	BaconThDestroyed Wed 5/28/2008 2:51p	<<WALT DISNEY: Crossing the road moved the chicken's story along in the direction we wanted it to go.>> That's so true! I can't tell you how many times that comes up in his autobiography! These really are cute....anyone clever out there to apply this to some well-known LP'ers like Doobie, Rebekah, Darkbeer, friendofdd, leemac, Ursula, 999HAUNTS, alexbook, etc. etc. ? Come on, 5BR....X-San....knight....and all you other clever folks out there! Do your best! :)
9	Ursula Wed 5/28/2008 4:14p	Everyone knows the chicken crossed the road because it was stapled to the punk rocker.

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